Contagious Gabriel
Hi, my name is Patty. This is my first sonnet and my first submission of poetry. Im not sure what the format is called, just that all the lines have two rhymes except the first. In the first line the...
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Patty,This looks like an exercise with the rhyme-scheme, rather than an actual poem that would give a reader pleasure to read, because, to slot in the rhymes, you've had to snip and contort the lines...
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Hi Maz, There is a specific reason, as it was a challenge given to me. And a practice. I do appreciate the honesty and time you've given. And thanks for directing me to this sight, I'll be around...
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Patty,I'm sure mine won't be the only comments you receive.Regards, Maz
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Patty,I haven't a clue about offering advice on how to improve this. It seems a hopeless business while you are locked into the structure. I would have rathered you start with, say, a Shakespearean...
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Patty--soundwise, there are some really nice moments here, & from "logic" to "agapic" is a creative leap on its own. I imagine you (&/or the person who suggested this exercise to you) might...
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I have read this several times. Each time I get more confused than the last.What I read is an amazing display of (at times) ungrammatical word power in an approximated sonnet form. I have to admit...
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First, I agree with Maz's comment. This isn't a poem, it's an exercise in rhyming.Let's take a close look at the first quartet:Once assembled in bitter silent thoughtA distraught tomb for things long...
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I like it, but every can be pronounced as 2 syllables without the '.
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Maz, Chris, Mike, David, Don, Christy, "evryone" *smirk*Thanks for all the constructive feedback and I have to admit that I agree whole heartedly with most of what you all have said. Between the group...
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patty--don't worry. Everyone goes through this learning curve if they want to get a sonnet that really works right. You'll get there. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~il faut etre absolument anciens
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